I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
