i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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