NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
