this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
