Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
