Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had sex on a roof
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
