so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
