hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
