Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
