They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
