What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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