I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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