about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
