It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
