Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
