So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
