I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
