i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
