So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
