I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
