I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
