what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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