I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
