Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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