Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
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