call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
