Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
