You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
