he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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