I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
