tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
