I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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