I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
