Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That was before I lit my hair on fire
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
