woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
