Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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