So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
