My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
