my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
