apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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