yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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