ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I love having hate sex.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
