I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
