she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
