I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
