Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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