Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
