I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
