I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
