Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
