i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
