oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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