Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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