there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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