K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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