apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
