Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
