So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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