I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
