I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
