I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Randomize
