I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
