You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
