would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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