Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He passed out mid-signature
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
