Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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