When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
